OCD takes up quite a lot of my time and quite a lot of my thoughts (not only thinking about obsessions but reflecting on the nature of the disorder and the fact of having it). However, in the day to day, people who see me outside of my home environment probably wouldn’t recognize that anything was wrong. Some days that’s because not much is wrong. However, even when it very much is, I don’t think it’s very obvious unless you know what you’re looking for.
Since I went quite a number of years without thinking about myself as having OCD, because it was relatively mild or not my most prominent problem, I never quite brought it up explicitly with my ex-boyfriend. I think that was an error because, by the time it became a serious problem, he didn’t - wouldn’t or couldn’t - modify his assumptions. I’m not casting blame (for the record, we parted quite amicably) but it has to have been a major cause in the breakdown of that relationship.
Partly due to this experience, sometimes I now feel that I am obliged to talk about having OCD because, in the situation of getting to know someone quite well, it just seems like it ought to be out there. It seems more honest and somehow fairer and I think in the long run it makes things easier for me. For example, if I’m not drinking I can say it’s because it doesn’t mix with my medication (or my disorder in general) and the awkward conversation has already been had. Furthermore, there is a remote chance that someone might be faced with me freaking out and I’d rather they knew where it was coming from beforehand; seeing the look on someone’s face when confronted with an unexpected panic attack in someone they assumed to be healthy(ish) is a horrible experience and having to explain what’s going on in that situation is very difficult.
I never feel that I need to hide that I have OCD. I’m not sure whether I’ve ever felt that. In fact, I often want to talk about it, just conversationally, because it is such a big part of my world, although I stop myself because I’m wary of boring people. But, at the same time, I am embarrassed to talk about it and I am definitely embarrassed to pass the link to my blog on to people I know and who I may have known for years. I force myself to do it when it seems appropriate and I am pleased to say that, as yet, only good has come of it. Plenty of good.
So, thus far, my experience tells me revealing that I have OCD to people I know is a good idea.
